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​We Compete too Soon

10/15/2015

25 Comments

 
​Kids burning out in the sport of wrestling has been a debate since before kids even began specializing.  To steal a line from my favorite TV show S.O.A. (Son's of Anarchy), "What's the End Game?"  

To be brief lets say the end game is the World or Olympic stage.  This easily could be pages of debate and I expect I will probably receive comments asking questions but competing too soon is the number one problem in my opinion.

Simply put if you start wrestling at 5 years old and have much success the odds are you won't make it to college level wrestling.  Forget about the world stage because you probably won't be around.  Pretty much every athlete is dealing with different types of outside and internal pressure when competing.  Those pressures come in the form of other athletes catching up, family pressure, making weight, balancing school, and I can go on.

How long before that wrestler says to himself, "this is just not fun to me any longer?"  If you start early then dealing with this pressure naturally begins.  Those 5 year old wrestlers by the time they graduate high school have been dealing with it for approximately 15 years.

College begins another level of competing and a whole new level of pressure, the athletes you face are just better.  Nothing will ever be easy again at that level, and many just say I'm done leaving the sport.

Those who start in 7th, 8th, even 9th grade are just starting to get competitive and still have a love for wrestling.  They are less likely to fizzle out because they have not dealt with the outside and internal influences as long as the 5 year old still trying to keep going.  They have the greatest chance of reaching the top level of our sport.

Little kid titles are good for a short confidence boost but that is about all it's worth.  Find the boost from other places before putting him in a singlet thinking that is the answer.  Wrestling is so different than other sports it's fun, but at the same time not fun if another human being is dominating you.

There are rule breakers to every theory and some will start at 5 and be successful but you can't use them as a guide.  I see all these rankings for kids at age 8 nationally and I shake my head because 95% of them will not make it past high school.

Always open to discussion!
25 Comments
Todd
10/16/2015 06:21:22 pm

You started at 5 do you think you would have been just as successful if you hadn't?

Reply
Cary
10/17/2015 12:24:01 pm

No, was successful simply based on the amount of time and work I put in. Obviously there are many factors that go into it but knowing myself I don't believe I would have been as successful had I not started at that age.

Reply
JR
11/18/2015 08:10:13 pm

I grew up in a town and region that started them young, like you grew up in S.Western PA. I hung it up freshman year in college at a D1 school after 12 yrs of competitive wrestling. Never reached my full potential in wrestling but was burned out by the age of 19. Many cons to starting so young... What is the end game? I would argue its teaching life lessons of building strong habits and discipline, learning that by doing such, goals are most often achieved. Learning how to persevere and learning how to overcome adversity. Most who start wrestling, learn early on, what its like to be dominated by another human being; Its a lousy feeling, you find out alot about yourself working through it and getting better. To parents who push there kids into the sport and haven't wrestled, as a elementary school wrestling coach i tell them wrestling is a pull sport, your kid has to be pulling you and wanting to do it. Otherwise its like pushing your kid into a boxing ring, same concept, don't do it. To parents who push their kids into it knowing the demands, be conscious about why you are doing it... is it for your kid or is it for you. If its for you, dont do it.

Net Net: I agree with your starting age of 7th grade.. .only con is the kids who wrestled in elementary, have much better skills than the 7th grader. If the program is good and the coach is good, the 7th grader can catch up. If the coach isnt as strong you will need the help of people like cary etc.. to help close the gap. The downside of the gap is a lose of confidence, desire and potentially hopeless (cant see he will ever be better than a kid who isnt as athletic as he is but has the skills from elementary school to dominate him early in his career)

Elliot
4/10/2019 11:03:03 am

Is there too old to compete anymore? In your opinion.

I ask because i am an oddball because I started very late and have no real training. I do as many open tournaments as possible to practice and get mat time in, but they arent at the d1 or olympic level. So realistically there is no way I could compete at the olympic level. But say someone got a coach who took a chance on them and they trained properly and with hugh level wrestlers in their 30s (someone with potential and who loves the sport and works hard), is there an age cap that says, "no matter what, you should stop or not compete at anything other than old timer tournaments once a year" ? Your thoughts on this would help me reassess my own purpose for wrestling. Thank you.

Martin
11/21/2021 02:49:05 pm

There is no question about it at all, I began much too late. Wrestling bodies are made when that child is a little guy, wrestling is like ice skating, the earlier you began the better one’s balance is the proper muscle development occurs, the mindset, etc. Wrestler’s are constructed. I began in 9th grade and I began to own a few things, but my double leg & single leg take downs didn’t come to me until my Senior year! And, those little farts can shoot either one like a pro at 11 if they began at 5… Cary speaks the truth.

Andrew
10/8/2022 06:59:10 am

I was five when I started wrestled until I graduated it haunted me my whole life wrestling made me feel worthless and the only time I actually felt good about my self was my freshman year and I self sabotaged myself by not making weight because I didn't want to let my dad down by not beating this kid and you know what I would of destroyed him and he got second at state I quit wrestled on and off through highschool until my senior year I got an appendix removed two weeks before state I lost my first match at state and came through the losers bracket and lost my last match ever in a tie who loses there last match in a tie it still brings up so many emotions of failure self doubt no confidence scared of success and scared of failure it has ruined my mental health and on and on but it brings me sadness because I never gave my self a chance I wrestled every day with 2 state champs and they couldn't beat me and they would always ask me what's wrong and all I wanted to say to them was something they wouldn't understand because I had a smile on my face and I had them fooled what I was thinking I want to blow my fucking brains all over the room in front of everyone because that's what I was feeling.


Reply
Bobby Marroquin
11/8/2017 01:10:01 am

My son is now 7yrs old, and only lost 1 match last season at 6yr old state finals, earlier this yr. Undefeated all yr and never on his back, until his only loss. Despite his success, he's never liked wrestling, would fight off tears at practice, and doesn't want to wrestle this yr. He has no interest at all and hates wrestling. We're all so confused, because he's so talented. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!

Reply
Sergio
11/8/2017 09:22:58 pm

I am willing to bet you need to dig into the "why". The human mind loves doing what it's good at and getting better. I'd assume someone is hurting him emotionally or physically.

That or you've got great training and you haven't made wrestling about what he wants.

Reply
Jason
10/23/2018 12:35:02 pm

I grew up playing baseball, basketball, and football. Never had an interest in wrestling but went to a small high school in central PA that was highly competetive in wrestling. Some of my best friends were wrestlers that later became college all-americans. Which meant seeing a lot of the "in my mind" very negative aspects of wrestling. Examples being weight loss, and the significant emotional and psychological tolls. I was never a fan of wrestling for some of these reasons but always had a lot of respect for the work that was put in as well as the strength of mind and body necessary to succeed.

That being said, when I had my son I envisioned coaching him in the sports I loved and excelled in. My son will be 7 in a few months and is naturally good at wrestling. I and others noticed at a very young age that he naturally was able to use leverage to manipulative positions and was able to stay calm and seemed to always be thinking about how to move in order to put you in a position of weakness and then take advantage it. Now that he has gotten older and stronger he surprises me everytime we wrestle. My father and brother have been telling him he should join wrestling for years and now he wants join. As much as I want him to keep excelling in baseball and gymnastics I think his natural gift may be wrestling.

My problem is this- the wrestling program in Jersey where I live now is highly competetive. We have one of the better programs in the state. If he starts wrestling now he will be going for four months, two days a week, 90 minutes a night. I think this is a big commitment for a first grader just trying a sport for the first time. I worry that he may be pushed away from the sport within the first couple months.

Any advice from parents or coaches would be greatly appreciated.

Reply
Nick
12/17/2018 09:49:53 am

My son who is only seven, loves to practice and even beats kids who have much more experience than him but he has performance anxiety when it comes to competing against other schools. He really loves wrestling but the competitions seem to be affecting him negatively. I know it's not normal but I was thinking of having him practice but scratching all competitions this year. Any thoughts on that?

Reply
Rob
1/12/2019 04:31:31 pm

Hi Nick, I'll give this a shot and just hope it helps. Mental state is definitely a big part of wrestling, more so than other sports because of its individual nature - in my opinion. Performance anxiety is stress, and probably relates to a perceived lack of control or threat to his self concept. I would try a 2 pronged approach. 1. Try to recouch how your son perceives the match and its outcome. Winning feels great but there's more to be learned from a loss, and therefore a loss is not defeat but a growth opportunity. When your son has a loss, greet him positively after the match not with condolences, at 7 he should still take his cues from you to some extent. Review the film with him, show him the things he did well. Find the aspects of the match that contributed to the loss in a noncritical fashion and identify drills with him that address that aspect, and talk with him about how doing this gives him control over future outcomes. 2. Exercise is one of the best ways to relieve stress. Get him in the habit of doing a true warm up in the 5-10 minutes preceding his match that gets his heart rate and breathing up and his muscles warm. Most kids are terrible at warming up, so maybe come up with a set routine and have him practice it at home until it becomes habit. Hope it helps...

Reply
David
1/14/2019 10:40:51 am

Hi Rob, thanks for this post. I thought my boy 7 was not warm and wrestled slow his first match. I think he should have broken a little sweat first. Son and Dad are learning. :-)

Michaeltantino
4/3/2019 03:37:10 pm

Hello Nick,

I would suggest coaching your son not to worry about the outcome of matches. Instead of his focus being on winning, his focus should ONLY be upon scoring points. The winning will follow as long as he is focusing on scoring points.

Patrick J. Finn
1/16/2019 10:52:58 am

I have a lot to learn. My son who is 8, competed in his first tournament this past weekend. When we were waiting, I saw a lot of kids crying during their matches. My son won 2 out of the 4. The first one, he dominated. The second one he got pinned quick and he was upset after. The third, he went out there and dominated again. The 4th, he lost after he got slammed and hit his head. I got upset with him when he started to cry and I feel such like an ass for it. Especially when I felt bad in the beginning for these other kids. After reading, I am realizing how emotional demanding this sport is. I am going to back off. We went to practice last night and he does enjoy it. Reading this article and the comments make perfect sense.

Reply
James
2/12/2019 12:02:32 pm

After reading some of the comments above I am getting a little more concerned about my son who just turned 6 a couple of weeks ago. He started BJJ at about 3.5 years old and enjoyed it, since it was a combination of instruction and games. He started competing at BJJ when he was 5 and has been winning against kids up to 5-10lbs heavier. Our town has a wrestling club and he joined this November, making the travel team. He was spending 4-5 hours on the mats for wrestling and 3-4 hrs for BJJ a week. Way too much for a 5 yr old in my opinion, but he wanted to go. He did really well this year winning state championships (I know not that meaningful at 6). When he wins his matches he seems completely apathetic, he also has no reaction if he loses. I am concerned he really has no passion for the sport. Is this normal for a child? I usually see his competitors crying or excited after matches. I am tempted to see if he wants to skip wrestling for a few years and maybe bring him back into it then. Would appreciate any thoughts the group had..

Reply
Jason
3/24/2019 10:41:28 pm

I was a kids state champion at 8 years old. My parents and coaches were excited and I did not smile. I've never found happiness with success. There was a time during high school where it was nice to hear my name over the intercom for winning tournaments. Other boys would tell me good job and it was a temporary boost to my self-worth. I work hard to achieve and find success but this never makes me happy. It is weird that I have confidence in my ability to learn and succeed in whatever I focus on but the self-worth is not there. I perceive my value of self-worth based on praise from others; yet the praise makes me uncomfortable. I can feel like a pretender and always feel like I need to work harder and achieve more. For me, I recall an unhappy youth at home. My parents had frequent and angry arguments with each other. I do not recall feeling them show love for each other or for me. I didn't have a relation with my mother. With my dad, the relation was limited to sports. He was not one to praise or criticize but he did make me practice. I do remember one passive aggressive comment that I didn't feel was justified. It was "why don't you give 110% like your sister" in relation to baseball practice. I remember working my tail off as a catcher, getting exhausted, and thinking dad had no idea what he was talking about.

My point in sharing this is that your son may be one of the unhappy achievers like I was and still am. Your son might emulate you. My family never celebrated our wins; small or large. I have a 12 year old daughter who has perfectionist tendencies like me. She is very hard on herself like I was. Never happy with her competitive performance but has no interest to quit the sport of gymnastics. She has self-esteem issues and is an introvert like I was. Weirdly enough my 9 year old daughter and 6 year old boy are more extroverted and smile all the time about everything. We started working on a self-esteem book as a family and its been helpful. My wife and I do not argue. We hug our daughter, tell her we love her, and give her praise. There is more to it than I can decipher.

Reply
Brandon
12/12/2019 10:58:31 am

I've referred to this article several times and re-read it even more. As a parent who wrestled, who started in 10th grade, I was behind.

We led my son to wrestling at four and while I had a lot of unrealistic expectations, what I quickly discovered is you can't push a child or young adult to do something they don't want to do. We had a bad experience with his first wrestling tourney and it almost ruined his desire to wrestle.

Fast forward a year later and we go to wrestling practice when he wants to go. If he doesnt want to go, we discuss, but I don't make him, and we haven't been back to another tournament, yet.

He likes wrestling for the sake of wrestling now and I know better than trying to push him into these tournaments. I'm also quite ok with the fact that my child may want to do something else, or just not wrestle, and I'm fine with that too. I can't re-live my youth through him anyway, I can only support him in what he wants to do... and that is exactly what I plan to do.

Reply
Danny Hayes
1/12/2020 08:09:29 pm

I just got home from a frustrating practice with my 8 year old. He wants to goof off and play more than pay attention. This article really helped me regain my positive outlook. I'm reminded that just having fun on the mat is all the is important now. He has plenty of time to gain technical skills and compete. I need to relax and let him enjoy. Thanks guys for helping check me before it was too late.

Reply
Kelly link
2/5/2020 05:07:57 am

Awesome blog! Very helpful and understanding article with good knowledge sharing. Thank you very much for posting it.

Reply
Richard from Cali
8/23/2020 11:59:45 pm

Wonderful article...and great to see the other posts. As a father that cares deeply and is involved with my son's academic and athletic development...supporting his wrestling growth has been the greatest puzzle so far.

He is only 8.5...and seen success after 1.5 years in the support. He is part of a top club and has private coaching...but only 2-3x a week, max. We try to make it all fun. He is naturally competitive and wants to achieve...but we've also seen, what the top talent in CA looks like and how they train. He is gaining ground on the top kids in his age group, and he is now one of the better kids in his age group...but we aren't willing to make it a routine that is too intense or too often (for example, we've heard that some youth clubs practice 4-5x a week)...or at this young age, have already chosen to focus solely on wrestling.

As a parent, I am always trying to strike a healthy balance between supporting his wrestling development, giving him the resources necessary to learn and be successful, but not making it always about winning/losing, rankings or far off goals he can't comprehend. While the majority of time, I've been able to stay aligned with this philosophy...at times, I also take a step backwards. I've even heard of some dads speaking about college scholarships for 8 year olds.

A key item I've hard to work on, is simply my "face" when watching or observing...and still having a smile or not being too serious, when I see something that I disapprove of, whether justified or not. Or not being too vocal about a practice that maybe wasn't as ideal, as I would have hoped. How many of us dads, had that car ride home conversation?

A lot to learn...and trying to be around other dads/coaches that have a healthy mindset. Thank you all for sharing your stories.

If in SoCal or like minded, feel free to email. Merger_guy@yahoo.com

Reply
Judy Romero link
1/6/2021 01:12:41 pm

This is a great post thanks for sharing it

Reply
Judy Romero link
1/10/2021 03:39:39 pm

Nice blog you have, thanks for posting

Reply
Sean Reed
12/3/2021 11:47:34 am

Generally, I would keep kids in other sports...TKD, baseball, etc., and just playing for fun until around the age of 8 or 9. Wrestling can just be too tough before that age, same with boxing. My son, who is very robust and competitive started at 7 and wrestled until 9. I made it a point to avoid competition (he did wrestle, and barely lost to, the state champion). At 10 he was boxing and then trained in Muay Thai. The plan was to have him pick up wrestling in the 7th grade but Texas does not have junior high wrestling (Sacrilege!) in junior high so it was all football in those 2 years.

He did not start wrestling again until 9th grade and is now dominating wrestling JV as a freshman (6 and 1 so far this season). He will have over 30 matches this year, but because I held back on comp. he should not burn out.

Reply
ashikur link
8/13/2022 02:30:17 am

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WWE Wrestling link
1/12/2023 11:07:39 am

Impressive! Thanks for sharing this.

Reply



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